He Answers

I admit it. Before my mission I was quite naïve and (in self-denial) very closed minded. Everything I needed to know, I thought I knew. In short, pride ballooned by pretty head, and the good Lord knew it needed some deflation.

The deflation began my second night at the Mission Training Center (MTC). After two days of constant scriptural study, a sobering realization of my ignorance caught me by the throat. I lay in bed, heart beating mad against my chest, and all I could think was, Eighteen months. Eighteen months of this? What have I done!

Horror of the situation threatened to suffocate me.

In three weeks I would leave the MTC. In three weeks I would start talking to complete strangers about the gospel…the gospel of which I suddenly was unsure of; the gospel of which I (now recognized) hardly knew! I squeezed my eyes shut and began blurting out the most helpless, panicked prayer of my life.

God answers prayers.

The next day a group of us missionaries assembled in one of the main conference rooms at the MTC, and President So-and-So started to review the Plan of Salvation. No words can rightly describe the extraordinary burning joy that encircled me during that meeting.

I knew, without doubt, I was where I needed to be. Sure, I didn’t know everything (and I still don’t) but that is what studying is for; that is why we have questions; that is why God answers prayers.

Fear vanished, and a sweet clam took over.

During the course of my mission I learned many things. One of those things surprised me, and still surprises me. On many occasions I had the opportunity to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ, but many other times (More than the first, I’m sure.) I had the opportunity to simply serve. It was never anything huge: yard work, making a dinner, helping unload groceries. But this service brought to surface my own capability to love.

I began to recognize people on the streets as more than people on the streets. They became my brothers and sisters, and as my love for them grew, so did my understanding of the gospel and desire to serve. Even in times of distress, when ridicule, persecution, and abuse faced me (quite literally in the face) from indifference and hate, I found that instead of returning anger for anger I only felt a sense of empathy, some sorrow, and more love.

The last night of my mission I lay wide awake in bed, just as I did at the MTC. The difference was, instead of fear, I felt an immense sadness that my mission was over. No one, unless they have been on a mission, can know how exceptionally hard it is—physically, emotionally, spiritually—but they can never know, either, how the reward of love, growth, and moments of sheer happiness makes all the adversity entirely worth while.

“Would you do it again? I mean…after all everything you went through, you told me about…Would you do it again?” someone asked me.

“Yes,” I answered without hesitation, “Because God answers prayers.”