To a Dear Friend

Dear K,

Do you remember the quote you gave me by Herman Melville?

“Real strength never impairs beauty or harmony, but it often bestows it. And with all things imposingly beautiful, strength has much to do with the magic.”

You said it reminded you of me. The praise was sincere, I knew, because of all we discussed that semester. I was grateful. I am still grateful.

Melville’s quote is something I kept close to me during my mission. It is something I often think about when studying the scriptures; when life comes crashing down like a guillotine. That, and Viktor Frankl.

He said, “Everything can be taken from man except the last of all human freedoms…to choose one’s own way, to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”

But as powerful as these quotes are, there is one still that keeps me always afloat, that distils me, that reminds me of faith and hope.

It was the darkest day of my mission. For the first time, I didn’t know if I could do what I was there to do. This feeling was overwhelming, consuming, and I did not think I could go on. That night, when I prayed, I explained to the Lord that more than anything I wanted to be there, but I just didn’t believe I was capable. I explained the current situation, my many faults, etc.

I sat in quiet reflection afterward. My heart was heavy; I was not strong; my attitude was giving up to self disappointment.

And then I picked up my hymn book.

I sing like a dying cat, but hymns always bring comfort.

I opened to hymn 85. How Firm a Foundation. It was the fifth verse that immediately caught my attention. I hardly began reading it before tears filled my eyes.

When through fiery trials they pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be they supply.
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, Thy dross to consume
Thy dross to consume and they gold to refine.

My eyes skipped down to verse seven.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

Tears that had been pitiful and bleak turned into tears of comfort and understanding. The warmth of the Spirit quickly wrapped around my heart, and I knew no matter the situation, the Lord was by my side. He told me so through the beautiful words of a favorite hymn.

I must always choose my attitude, how I will approach life’s uncertainties, but I know more than I know anything else that the Lord is my strength. He is the one that turns my dross to gold.

Always,
Your friend and student,

Mckenzie