The Adventures of Professor DeBark and El Rich

A long time ago, back in high school, we were studying creative writing in English. One of our assignments was to create a very silly story. This evening, going through some old folders of mine, I came upon that very silly story. It's odd that I should still have such a thing, but out of pure embarrassment and entertainment, I present to you that story written several years ago:

The Adventures of Professor DeBark and El Rich

Far away, deep in the African jungle, is a little hut. It is made of fine bamboo, and the one square window on the left corner is covered with tiger hide. Though quaint and cozy on the outside, this hut is a disorganized mess within. Old journals, quills, spilled ink, and several empty Coca Cola cans rest in cluttered piles about a thin, straw mattress used for a bed. It is on this particular day, being unusually hot, that we hear an assortments of "wow" and "ah, yes" and then the hut door flies open.

"I've found it!" exclaims the famous archeologist Professor Xander DeBArk, and a flutter of animal sounds breaches the area as if in applause.

It was his assitant, on El Rich, an elevated, slender, redhead that was less exuberant in the archeologist's announcement. Brushing a hand down the front of her cheetah print garb, Eli raised an uncertain brow, stating, "What is it exactly you've found, Professor DeBark?"

"What is it exactly? What is it exactly? What is it exactly, Miss Rich?"

"Err...yes. That would have been my question."

Professor DeBark moved from the hut entrance, the door slamming behind as more jungle creatures scurried about their feet. With a flip of the hand, a small map was pressed in front of the assistant's face. This time both eyebrows raised as El removed the map from the Professor's hands to examine it herself. It was an old map, hand drawn with some type of yellowish ink, not to mention horrid handwriting. After turning it upside down, sideways, and right side up, El gave up. She handed the diagram back to the professor.

"I'm afraid, she uttered, "Very afraid, that you'll have to explain this to me."

"This, my darling assistant, is none other than the map of lost treasure."

"Oh yes. I should have known. The old treasure map ploy."

"You catch on quickly, Miss Rich."

Professor DeBark rolled the map back up and tapped the end of El's nose with it. "I see great things for you, Miss Rich. One day you might be as famous a sme, and half as smart."

El only blinked. Perhaps the excitement was too much.

Professor DeBark disappeared back in the hut and then reappeared with a small suitcase, his sun umbrella, and the map. El stood, hand on her hip, haed to the side, as she said, "Let me guess, we're going to follow the treasure map through the jungle, possibly get eaten by varoious animals, get kidnapped by untamed natives, almost get sacrificed to a rock god, escape by a thread-- and then find the treasure, which was actually found years before?"

"Correct!" he pinched her cheek. "You're the wise one, you are!"

"Right. I'll get my stuff."

The professor and his assistant set out thirty minutes later to embark on the dangerous treasure map ploy. Professor DeBark led the way through a swampy area, El Rich at his feet (less exuberant, as always).

"Must you hum that blasted tune?" asked El, ready to smack the professor upside the head as he began his forth inning of the Scooby Doo theme.

"It keeps one motivated, El!" he breathed, "Come along, now. I insist you join in!"

"Scooby, Scooby Doo where are you..." sang the assistant against her will.

"Scooby Doo? What is this Scooby Doo?"

Professor Debark and El Rich came to a stop, startled to see before them a gangly monkey. A glangly monkey that could speak!

Professor DeBark pushed his spectacles higher on his nose and leaned down to the creature to take a look. "Curious. Very, very curious. Hmmmm."

"Do you have a name?" asked El.

The monkey, wide eyed looked to El and gave a toothy grin. "Eloc! Eloc the monkey!"

"By George," El exclaimed, "how extraordinary!"

"Extraordinary!" exclaimed the monkey, and with a flash of movement stole the map out of the professor's hands. "Map! Map! Treasure map!"

"Ah," clicked the professor, "so you know the lost tresaure map ploy, too?"

Eloc hooted and squawked about to say yes, and then handing the treasure map back to El, he climbed up a tree and hung upside down. "You're going the wrong way."

"We are?" exclaimed both the professor and assistant in unison.

Elock pointed left. "To the towers of Macka Macka you must go!"

"Macka Macka?"

"Macka Macka! Macka Macka!" squeaked Eloc, and disappeared back into the jungle.

The professor whislted, "Curious. Hmmmm."

"Very curious," finished El.


And that, my friends, was all that I found of that very silly story.